HEAT wave in the East? Not so much

I guess I should have known, when I starting going Yiddish on everyone at last week's HEAT meeting, that something wasn't kosher. I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and a carpet growing on my tongue. My first thought was that I'd feel better if I ate something, and the only thing I thought I could stomach was another of those darling little Jell-O treats that the frat boys brought to the meeting.

I dragged myself to the bodega down the street and asked El Jefe if he had a box of instant "Malibu" Jell-O, and he says to me, "Ethel, this ain' no liquor store!" Turns out those little Jell-Os were chockful of alcohol. Those little pishers got me drunk!

Melvina isn't talking to me because I left her passed out (like I knew?) in the lobby all night. So I went to the meeting alone last night. Meshuggah Earl was waiting for me outside the Moe Howard Jewish Community Center and said the room stank to high heaven of rotting gefilte fish. I ended up cancelling the meeting and spent the entire time scrubbing down the meeting room with with bleach, which barely cut through the stench. Thanks a lot, New York, for picking this week to have a record heat wave. Pee-uw!

One positive note: one of the frat boys showed up last night and helped me clean up. Ian (his nickname is Phlegm) was very apologetic and said he was actually interested in joining HEAT! So I guess it's not a total loss.

I just wish I could stop thinking about Jell-O.

Frat boys in HEAT!

Weeeeee! Tonight was the most successful gathering ever of my HEAT chapter, thanks to this blog.

I just knew that my outreach into the blogosphere would boost attendance. I spent all day in balebusteh mode, making enough gefilte fish to feed an army! When I got to the community center, I was mortified: there was no one there but me, my wonderful neighbor Melvina, and meshuggenah Earl. (I know, I know. I should be grateful for his support, but oy! His tinfoil hat apparently had food in it at one time, and it's beginning to attract flies.)

Anyway, I was just about to call the meeting to order when the door burst open, giving way to at least a dozen boisterous boychiks who had read about the meeting on this humble blog!

"Welcome, friends!" I shouted above their joyous laughter. "Please help yourself to a nosh and a pamphlet."

(Photo from piratejohnny's photostream on Flickr)
"Nah," replied a youngster named Tucker, who turned out to be the president of the college fraternity that had graced us with their presence this evening. "We brought our own refreshments." He pulled out a cooler filled to the brim with darling little glasses filled with Jell-O. Kids these days with their crazy snacks!

These boys were so enthusiastic. Every time I said the word, "helfan", they would all yell "Helfan yes!" in unison and slurp down a cup of Jell-O. They even got me and Melvina to join them in their delightful little celebratory ritual. (Earl refused, of course; he won't eat anything that isn't in a hermetically sealed container.)

I guess the youthful exuberance of my new HEAT members was contagious. I got a bit carried away, tossed the week's agenda into the trash, and joined Melvina and the boys in a high-spirited game of gefilte fish soccer. Earl left in a huff, and before I knew it, it was 10:30, well past the time we were allotted to be in the community center. We all had one more of those tasty Jell-O treats in honor of our helfan brothers and sisters ("Helfan yes!"), and then the boys helped me clean the gefilte bits off the floor and out of my hair. Such mensches!

Melvina, the poor dear, fell asleep during our cab ride home. I have left her propped up on the floor in our building's lobby. In my defense, I'm only 4'8", and Melvina is thick-boned and over six-feet tall. I should try to schlep her up three floors?

What I really should do is start planning for the next meeting, but think better lie down now. For some reason, room seems to be spinning.

Oy.